before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
