I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
