And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Are my feet made of real feet?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
