a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
