Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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