Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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