We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
