Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
A bitchslap is in order.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
