there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she told me i tasted like america
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
