the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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