I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
