I accidentally had phone sex last night
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
