I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
