im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
