I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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