Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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