who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
