Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
