Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
