So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
