I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
