Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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