Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
