im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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