This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
