addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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