Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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