We won't sleep together?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
