dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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