Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
