Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Fuck appropriateness.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Never underestimate the power of titties
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
