I wish i was in the wii world.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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