Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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