i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
