forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
