Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
