So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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