dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
