Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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