Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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