he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
