he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just cropdusted the office
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I need moral support for this bender
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
