he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
