She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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