I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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