hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
