She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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