i jhust puked up my retainher.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
