how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
