Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
