yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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