Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
