shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
